Walking into sweet catastrophes

Finished

2009-11-23T16:45:00.003-06:00

Today, I finished my first piece here at Salt.

Even though some days were super rough and I became a little bit discouraged, I'm really proud of the way my short piece turned out. It feels complete.

Review

2009-10-30T05:43:00.002-05:00

We had our first critiques this week for our 1,000 word piece.

I received what I now call the "Blue x of Death."

It sounds scarier than what it is.

Basically, my story is not a story.

My piece lacked the hed and dek and the conflict was unclear, and it was all out of order.

It was messy.

But I have been rearranging.

The process, the crafting, it is messy.

My hands are not filled with glue, but typing cramps which are really just as bad.

And my head often hurts from thinking too hard.

I have a writer's hunchback, similar to the computer hunch that my brother has.

My shoulders and back hurt, and I have a coffee addiction.

I had a coffee addiction before, but it's worse now.

Granted, I'm complaining, but I really do enjoy the process.

I'm anxious as to what the final product will look like.

It's still a mystery.

Antichrist

2009-09-25T20:57:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was movie night.

Gathered in the photo lab around one computer, five us watched "Antichrist." I kept telling myself I was going to leave. Instead, I sat there fixated on how horrible the movie was. I kept thinking it could get better, but it didn't. The movie starting going downhill after a fox looked at the audience and said, "Chaos reigns." After that point, there was only forty-five minutes left. It felt like eternity. As Spencer put it, "There is a special place in Dante's 'Inferno' for that movie." Spencer is right.

Week 3

2009-09-25T17:36:00.002-05:00

I have been in Maine for 3 weeks, and it seems like I'm still on my first week. I have lost all sense of time. In the midst of chasing stories and trying to get people to sign release forms and abandoning five stories, it is difficult to keep in touch the "real world." But I'm loving every bit of it.

Count Down to school

2009-09-07T13:10:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is the first day.

I'm getting a little nervous.

It sounds as if everyone is.

We never know what to expect.

Portland

2009-09-04T09:58:00.002-05:00

So I've spent two whole days in Portland. It's consisted of a lot of walking, meeting the knitting ladies a few doors down from school, and trying to find a beach.

Day 1

I went to the knitting store and started a hat for friend. It has ear flaps. It's going to be pretty neat when it's done.

Walked down the farmers market and watched the street performers.

Talked to a guy with a pet ferret who is two years old.

Played ball with Euphrates the dog.

Day 2

Knitting store for help on the the hat.

Had Indian food. I was happy with the choice.

Walked to South Portland to find a beach. Instead we found Mill Creek Park and Bug Light Park. Took the bus home.

Perused the dumpster diving scene. Conclusion, no one has trash cans that sit outside. We only found Starbucks. Amanda was elbow deep in coffee grinds. Gross.

Day 3

So far today, I've popped a blister on the palm of my foot and played with Euphrates.

I'm feeling lazy.

Tonight, the art walk with a few of the other Salt students that are here.

Count down

2009-08-30T20:53:00.001-05:00

I have one more day left in the Twin Cities before I move to Maine.

It's kind of weird.

Final Salute

2009-08-18T17:40:00.003-05:00

Over the past couple of days, I have been reading my Salt pre-assignments for Approaches and Issues. One of the readings was "Final Salute." Horribly depressing and too close to home, it was a difficult read, but a good one. The author, Jim Sheeler, is a vivid writer. The scenes come to life easily as you can hear the wailing widows and mothers learn of their loved ones' deaths. What I like most in the reading is the Beck, the Marine who gives the family the news, because it is forgotten what he has to bear- the weight of telling one of death. There is humanity in the story, and from this, we can learn

Explorer/Negotiator

2009-08-17T11:44:00.002-05:00

Last week a friend I were having a discussion on dating and what makes us who we are. While speaking, we got to talking about Chemistry.com and Helen Fischer's book "Why Him? Why Her?" I wen out and purchased the book. Not necessarily to find the love of my life, but instead to find out my personality type, to help explain who I am and what makes me tick biologically.

I took the personality quiz and found out I am an explorer/negotiator. Really, it makes all too much since. After reading the description of the two, there was an "ah-ha" moment. The explorer side of me, likes to do just that, explore. I am adaptable to new places, which explains why I have not yet settled in one area, and tend to move every 2 to 4 years, but it's more that I like to experience new things and to find what else it out there- besides myself and my immediate surroundings. I think what I found most intesting are my problems focusing and my need for white noise- mainly music. My current roommate always harasses me because I always have music going, or when I work, I sit in front of the t.v, but never really watch it. Because of high levels of dopamine, I can tune things in and out when needed, and breifly focus on one thing at a time.

My favorite chapter was that of the negotiator. Right now, I believe that is more of who I am. One of the qualities to of the negotiator is that of the being able to connect to people, a need to be intimate with an individual based on conversation, even if it is brief. While I prepare to move to Maine and to attend Salt, it explains a lot. It offers an explaination of why I'm overly compassionate and why I have this unknown need to understand people and be able to fully connect as well as I possibly can. From understanding my world and being involved I begin to see my purpose because I am apart of something much bigger than myself.

Collecting Music

2009-08-13T12:41:00.002-05:00

I've been trying to add new music to my collection.

It's not like I need more, I just want more- it's a life line.

Recently, I heard the new Eulogies song "Two Can Play."

It's a type of love song which has the mosting catching line I've heard in awhile:

"I implore you, talk to me now, cause you're wrong to hide it."

The words are wonderfully poetic and honest.

Emails

2009-08-10T08:03:00.002-05:00

Today, I got my first email from writing instructor. The good news, I already have "Telling True Stories," the book which we will be using this semester. There really is no bad news. I get my first reading and writing assignments this week. And, there are 9 of us in the writing program.

Boxes

2009-08-07T15:21:00.001-05:00

4 plastic bins that go home, and 4 boxes to ship to Maine.

Almost done, almost there...

packing procrastination

2009-08-02T10:02:00.002-05:00

I have yet to start packing again. Really, I have no desire to. I just want to leave everything here and not have to worry about packing, shipping things to Maine and returning thing to Omaha. It's a large task.

Thursday, I finally got my "Welcome Package" from Salt. It consisted of maps, letters and video. Well, the first week is packed, literally from 8am until well into late evening. By week two, I need story ideas and week three, everything needs to be locked down and ready to go.

SALT=Sleep Deprivation

Checklist

2009-07-29T19:38:00.001-05:00

A checklist for moving.

Done:

Purchased train and plane tickets.

Rent paid.

To Do:

Pack.

Move.

Ship things.

Finish collecting addresses.

The to do list is more daunting than it should be.

Thank you

2009-07-21T21:55:00.000-05:00

I am eternally grateful for you.

Emails

2009-07-16T21:21:00.002-05:00

I got an email today from school.

Whelp, I get my first writing assignment in the next couple of weeks.

First two writing assignments actually.

For some reason, I'm getting nervous about this new endeavor.

Maybe it's because I'm going back to school after 2 years off, or because this is something I've worked really hard for and I don't really want to mess it up or set a bad first impression.

It will fall into place the way it's suppose to.

Plane Ticket

2009-07-11T23:43:00.003-05:00

Today, I purchased my plane ticket for Maine.
It is all paid for.
Housing done.
No stress...

All Songs Considered

2009-07-06T17:55:00.001-05:00

Listening to All Songs Considered, they played the Weakerthans.
They were my first concert at the Cog Factory.
Such good nostalgia.

Entrances and Exits

2009-07-02T23:53:00.003-05:00

Today, walking around the house, I started quoting Shakespeare.
There is really no reason why, but sometimes it just flows out of my mouth:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their entrances and exits.
And one man in his life plays many parts.
-As You Like It (4.7)

New words

2009-06-22T21:10:00.002-05:00

My friend is teaching me simple Hindi.
Today's new words:

ishq- love
kabutar- pigeon

packing and rent

2009-06-07T21:25:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I started packing my stuff: going through the old and throwing it all away, literally. In the past 2 years of living in Minneapolis, I have realized, that I kept a lot of unnecessary items. Old papers, scraps of words, illegible notes, random song lyrics, most which were crammed in folders and notebooks filled with various drafts of writings. I just can't help myself. I had to make the decision of whether or it was needed. A majority of the time I opted not to keep it. I know in retrospect, I will regret throwing away some of things I did. But there is limited space.

Good news, I spoke to my new landlord yesterday. I send my security deposit tomorrow. He sounds like a pretty darn nice guy. All in all, I'm pretty stoked for it.

India

2009-06-01T19:39:00.001-05:00

Only my kindred spirits know how much I love India.
Thanks for pamphlet of books, music and movies.

Bird by Bird

2009-05-29T21:49:00.003-05:00

As of late, I have changed my email signature to a quote by Anne Lamott. It says, "We are just going to take this bird by bird." I decided to use it as my signature to remind me to do just that, bird by bird. One at a time. Things will fall into place. What I did not realize were the repercussions Anne Lamott would cause.

I was speaking with a friend and she mentioned the quote. Like myself, things have just been a little uneasy as of late and she too found comfort in that tiny sentence. She shared the sentence with her mom and found just as much inspiration as the two of us. From this, I have learned, Anne Lamott is right and "We are just going to take this bird by bird."

I wish

2009-05-28T21:26:00.002-05:00

I wish I would've applied for food stamps.
It would've been an interesting experience.

What to move

2009-05-25T15:48:00.002-05:00

I have to decide what I need to move to Maine. The bare bones- but that is not always easy. I'm attached to my music and books. At this point in time, a Kindle would be awesome so I don't have to pick and choose my books. But in reality, I want nothing to do with the Kindle. I want the tangibility of turning the paper pages and the smell of freshly printed ink. Technology cannot give me that. Thus, choosing is difficult.

Here is the list:
-Associated Press handbook
-MLA handbook
-The Elements of Style
-English Grammars
-Writer's Handbook
-Telling True Stories: A Non-Fiction Writer's Guide
-My two books of Rumi poetry
-The God of Small Things
-In Fact: Non-Fiction
-Dictionary
-Thesaurus
-Bird by Bird

I think it's a pretty good list.

I finally made it

2009-05-19T18:15:00.001-05:00

Got into Salt.
I am awesome.

Collecting

2009-04-27T21:01:00.002-05:00

As a child, my family had a stellar vinyl collection, which included the Star Wars score. It was one of favorites. Recently, I have decided to re-create my childhood recollection.
Records thus far:

Peter, Paul and Mary- 10 Year Anniversary
Xanadu
Fiddler on the Roof
The Sting original soundtrack
Romeo and Juliet
Sound of Music

Bicyclist beanie

2009-04-16T20:51:00.001-05:00

I have started knitting the bicyclist beanie.
A beanie that is thin enough, it will fit under your bike helmet.
Thus far, a success, thanks to the use of 2.5 rounded needles.
I'm kind of excited to get it done.

Bad Habits

2009-03-29T16:03:00.003-05:00

I love books just as much as I love music.
But, I have this horrible habit of buying books while reading books. The repercussion, I will stop reading books midway through to start the new book. A never ending circle, I have about 3 books that I have left unfinished.

The new goal, to actually finish the books I've started reading.
Beginning with: "The Poet of Baghdad, A True Story of Love, and Defiance" by Jo Tatchell.
Really, I can't remember why I stopped reading it, oh yeah, I began reading "An Intimate History of Humanity" by Theodore Zeldin, which I still need to finish...

A lot hooked

2009-03-17T20:27:00.001-05:00

I'm pretty much hooked on:
Lucy Michelle and Velvet Lapelles.

Springbreak

2009-03-13T19:16:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking about springbreak lately and going back to Omaha. Naturally, I look at upcoming concerts.
The list:
4.4- Beep Beep cd release
4.5- Los Compesinos!
4.6- Quintron and Miss. Pussycat
4.7- Damien Jurado w/ Laura Gibson
4.8- The Hold Steady

These will be hard choices.

This is mono

2009-03-10T15:26:00.002-05:00

7 drafts later, 2 pairs of fingerless mittens, and many listenings of M Ward and Broken Social Scene, I still have mono and a swollen spleen.

Bird by Bird: The One Inch Picture Frame

2009-02-16T06:23:00.005-06:00

I have been rereading parts of "Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life" by Anne Lamott.

"I got back, to trying to breathe, slowly and calmly, and I finally notice the one-inch picture frame that I put on my desk to remind me of short assignments. It reminds me that all I have to do is to write down as much as I can see through a one-inch picture frame...Just take it bird by bird" (17-19).

Person

2009-02-13T18:28:00.002-06:00

Salt posted their writing scholarship competition. The rules changed. Instead of posting an interview with a few photos, I get to choose my own person to write about.

I need to find a person to interview whom I'm not related to.
Hopefully, I can do this within the week and then transcribe next week. Because transcribing takes awhile.

Dear Everybody

2009-02-09T20:17:00.003-06:00

I'm reading a book based on a play list. Michael Kimball has done well with choosing music. Thus far, the book has yet to disappointed me and the expectations that I hold.

Naming Animals

2009-02-08T20:21:00.002-06:00

I want a dog, desperately. So I can name them after my favorite authors and characters.
Such as:
Falstaff the St. Bernard.
Shylock the Golden Retriever who will be overly protective.
Vanya the Black Lab, who will be wise and introverted.
Hanif, the Weimaraner who will love music and sing-a-long.
Camus, who will be deeply melancholy pondering the existential ideas of life.

Yes, I will have some awesomely nerdy pets.
It's between naming my pets after authors and characters or my children.

Visiting

2009-01-29T22:40:00.006-06:00

Tomorrow, I go to Sioux Falls to see the library opening post renovation. But I'm more excited to see the puppies. I dog sat for about 4 months for a professor and came to adore her dogs. I really love dogs. I still miss old man Bear, his wise old brown eyes, excessive licking and snoring. He will forever be my favorite. His old soul rests.

In conversation

2009-01-26T21:39:00.003-06:00

During conversation, a friend and I spoke of friends and those that lend encouragement.
Our conclusion:

When friends add extra encouragement and we think we may not it, it is actually what we need to hear most. Allowing someone to believe in us makes it easier to believe in ourselves.

It is the same reason why I will forever tell you to allow your dreams to breathe on a piece of paper, to let them begin to become tangible. When our dreams are seen and begin to live outside of us, it all becomes real. And it might scare us, but we must remember that this is what we've always wanted.

I am somewhat coherent today.

Comfort Food and Friends

2009-01-25T20:19:00.003-06:00

I love comfort food. I can remember during finals week in college, I would live off of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It is the only thing that makes me feel better under any amount of stress. As my taste buds grew to adulthood, I have found other comfort foods such as chicken tortilla soup and cinnamon crunch bagels with strawberry cream cheese.

It was the day of graduation. Horribly hectic and overly emotional, I was glad I hadn't cried that day. Weepy, yes, but broken down, no. At the time, it was a feat. Three days prior I had been in Omaha for a friend's funeral who had been killed in Iraq. My friends knew I was having a pretty hard time and were very gracious with their sympathies and listening ears. Something I will forever be grateful for, but most importantly, privileged to have the friends I do. During that time, I didn't eat a lot. It's the way I cope. But one friend got up early the day of graduation, went to the local bagel shop and got me a cup of coffee and my very favorite: a cinnamon bagel with strawberry cream cheese.

These are the things that save us. Those friends that are continually there always adding extra encouragement when needed, but also when not needed. At the same time, you begin to realize, that they are your people. The ones that will always be there.

Overheard

2009-01-21T05:53:00.002-06:00

My co-worker introduced me to Overheard In Minneapolis.

http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/

I think it's my new favorite thing. So I did some searching and found some more:

Overheard in New York
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/

Overheard in the Office South Dakota
http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/archives/places/united_states/midwest/south_dakota/

If You're Feeling Sinister

2009-01-19T19:21:00.003-06:00

Currently, I'm reading the The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs. I'm normally not one who reads any sort of "chic lit" but I'm thoroughly enjoying the novel. Maybe because it intertwines knitting and Scotland. And I really loved Scotland when I visited four years ago. It seems longer than that. As I read, I suddenly remembered my play list that I made. At the time, I owned the old school disc man, in teal, which I had gotten when I was like ten. Searching through my book of cd's I found the mix cd. Exactly the way remember it, beginning with "Pints of Guinness will Make you Strong!" by Against Me! Looking at the songs, it is evident that the cd's that came out that year which deeply impacted me were Bright Eyes with Digital Ash Digit Urn and I'm Wide Awake It's Morning.

I can remember walking down Cockburn, yes, that was the name, it left me laughing for hours. I found a record store. The only things I wanted in Scotland were: a hand knitted sweater vest, yarn for mom and Belle and Sebastian. Down those cobble stone streets, narrow and awkward to any American, I found the sweet sounds of Belle and Sebastian. I have loved them ever since. They sounds best on damp foggy days and on winter nights when there is no one around. Just you and Belle and Sebastian.

God I want to go back.

Handwriting

2009-01-18T20:41:00.004-06:00

I've been writing my weekly letters.
Yes, I am old school and still love writing letters to friends; even though, I very rarely get letters or any sort of response back. I just like to. There is nothing better than getting an unexpected note from someone. It makes the day better.

As I was writing, I was reminded of something a friend told me. Looking at the way I dot my i's, he is the only that has ever commented. He simply said: Jess, do you always dot your i's on the right, so it lines up with the stem?

I just looked at him a little confused and then looked at my handwriting. It's something that I had never noticed. But that is the way I've always dot my i's. It is funny how sometimes we don't even realize our own quirks. When others do, we become flabbergasted and confused on how to respond.

Exclusive First Listen: M Ward

2009-01-16T20:36:00.005-06:00

NPR's All Songs Considered always make me happy. This week, they have given listeners the chance to enjoy M Ward's new album "Hold Time." I am pleased, very pleased. I can't tell you have I first discovered M Ward. My sophomore year of college, I purchased his album "Transistor Radio" and have been a happy fan ever since. I can only assume it was KAUR, because they always filled me with good music.

Plus, I have a HUGE crush on M Ward's voice. I just can't help it.

"At times I wonder what in God's name did I do to deserve you, oh to deserve you. 'Cause I just roll down and tumble down the long road I stumble...and finally I found you without ever learning how." (from Epistemology)

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=99084694#commentBlock

Spring

2009-01-16T07:41:00.002-06:00

After this cold spell, I'm waiting impatiently for spring, so I can cuff my pants and wear t-shirts instead of numerous layers. I miss long walks, the ones where you won't freeze.

Today, I want to meet my person. Really, that is all I want right now.
Just so I can start writing.

The new Andrew Bird albums makes me happier every day. It is good.

I wish

2009-01-12T20:46:00.001-06:00

I wish I could go see Andrew Bird at the Guthrie again.
It was all kinds of perfect.

And the new cd is wonderful.
I'm getting to know it.

Waiting and randoms

2009-01-10T13:58:00.004-06:00

I'm still waiting for the scholarship competition to open. All week, I stalked the website. I feel like the creeper your mother warned you about.

I've been trying to keep myself busy, which has consisted of sing-a-longs, dying my hair, and baking. I really don't know how much longer I can occupy myself.

I'm craving the three-pointed walk.
Dorm, park/campus, dorm

A little girl I tutor gave me the cutest get well card.
It said:
Mrs. Jessie,
I will always take care of you.
I love you so much.

It pretty much brought me to tears.

Last week, I went snow shoeing. It was an adventurous winter sport that I very much enjoyed. I plan on doing it again. Maybe it won't be as frigid...that is doubtful.

My morning bus driver should be a tour guide. Waking up her groggy commuters, she gently says:
Good morning! Welcome to Minneapolis. Our first stop is 6th and Hennepin. We are running 2.5 minutes early. The 675 to St. Paul will be here shortly.

Re-bundling, I make my past her as she wishes me a good weekend.

The valet parking man who works at Graves Hotel grew a soul patch over break.

It is time

2009-01-02T20:25:00.001-06:00

Salt is now accepting early applications for Fall '09.
Almost there.
Now, to wait impatiently for them to post the writing scholarship competition.

Dear Scotland

2008-12-29T21:36:00.002-06:00

Currently, I've been thinking about Scotland and traveling. I don't know why, but I have. Maybe it's the extreme adventurous walking that we did and Sandra telling us should not leave the bus, because the waterfall was too dangerous due the the cliff. But, we ventured anyway. Or maybe it's because I've been listening to Loch Lomond- the band. I don't know. But here is a photo, from our Portree adventures.

Stay Positive

2008-12-12T06:01:00.004-06:00

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about Henry Rollins in Israel Uncut. There is a section where he is performing and he talks about the impact the Ramones had on him. His suggestions is to give Israel and Palestine Ramones albums, but to make sure each have different albums, thus when they go fight, they will realize they are each playing the Ramones but different albums. A cd exchange will start along with peace.

At Oasis on Wednesday and the live broadcast of MPR's The Morning Show on Thursday, I witnessed how music does bring us together. It is simple, but in the instances where we dance and sing as if we were in our bedrooms with our friends, we forget that about everything that surrounds us. I musical kairos I suppose, that split moment in time where everything is perfect.

"The sing-a-long songs'll be our scriptures."
The Hold Steady, Stay Positive

Something to Tell You Part 2

2008-11-26T20:08:00.002-06:00

I finally finished "Something To Tell You" by Hanif Kurieshi. I can't say I was unhappy with it, because it left me fulfilled. He is a good writer, very talented, and something I very much want to strive to become. The ending left me unfulfilled. The conclusion wasnt' what I expected; then again, I don't what expected. Maybe it is because Jamal never really left his surrounding to find what he was looking for, but stayed stagnant to extent on his quest for love. I will let it sit and see how I feel at a later date.

When simple questions hurt

2008-11-20T21:52:00.002-06:00

Today, I was loading kids onto the bus after school. Waiting, I was helping the little ones zip their coats and making sure they were bundled for the Minnesota weather. A first grader, caught in his hooded sweatshirt looked at me with his big eyes. Helping him, I bent down and asked him about a winter coat. Silent, I asked if he left it home, as I told him that it was getting cold and he needed to remember it. Eyes tearing up, he looks down, and I again ask if he has a winter coat. The poor little guy says no. My heart dropped. I felt so horrible, knowing that I had asked what seemed to a simplistic question, but a difficult question for him. I went on to ask more questions, trying to figure out if he had brothers or sisters that could help me with the situation. I found out, he has an older cousin, an eighth grader in my Lead Peace group. Looking at him, he was also coat-less.

Cards and Best Friend Ever

2008-11-18T07:09:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, I got the cutest card from one of the little 3rd graders I tutor.
Written in the best little kid handwriting she could, she writes:
"Miss. Jess
Thank you for the money for the field trip.
Best friend ever.
Thank You!"

The kids are going on a field trip next week to go rock climbing. I didn't want her to get left out because she couldn't afford to go. So, I paid for her. While reading with her I asked to see if I could go and watch her rock climb. Her face lit up and she suddenly became shy and excited. Like a proud mother, I will be there take pictures of her and her friends and watch her learn to rock climb. I'm pretty excited.

A part of me really wants to rock climb too. It's been forever since I've done that. Ok, so it's been since maybe 10th grade. It seems like forever ago.

Saturday was my little sister's birthday. I got her a sweet card with a peacock on it. I wish I had kept the quote, but it says something along the lines of how everyday is a beautiful day no matter the circumstances. I also ordered her "Haroun and the Sea of Stories" by Rushdie. I thought it would be a good choice for imagination. She is an artist, and given the right literature, her mind will burst open with ideas of what one could illustrate. Hopefully, the novel will be it.

Tuesdays

2008-11-16T20:59:00.002-06:00

I have spent the past 8 Tuesdays volunteering-teaching poetry. This is my last Tuesday. Now, I need to figure out what I'm going to do. Actually, I'm kind of bummed about it. I enjoy taking the bus in the mornings, meandering outside, watching the wildlife on the lake. The Huron, graciously eating a fish and the bald eagle that keeps watch in the trees. At 10:15, I make my way through foot traffic and gently meander the halls. But it has been a learning experience, one that I would not have imagined, an adventure in itself.

What will I do in the next couple of months?

Sending letters, as usual, full of warmth and Thanksgiving.

Knitting

2008-11-02T20:09:00.003-06:00

I've been knitting like nobody's business lately. Drinking peppermint tea with music lingering in the back round, I've been sitting at the table wondering what other different projects I could start. Really, I just can't help. It's been keeping me sane. It keeps me so sane, that I have resorted to knitting on the bus.

Current projects in order:
Scarf/Hat combo #1 (scarf is finished)
Scarf/Hat combo #2 (yarn search starts tomorrow)
Life Aquatic Hat
Undecided hat design

Dear Sir

2008-10-23T06:01:00.003-05:00

Dear Sir,
Thank you for giving me your transfer yesterday.
It was a kind gesture and very much appreciated.
I hope you had fun riding the Haiwatha Line.
I have yet to ride the train.
Be well.

We share a heart

2008-10-20T21:19:00.002-05:00

Sitting with my mint tea and listening to Page France, and reading Hanif Kureishi. Nothing fills me with more warmth during the fall. The best part, how eloquently Kureishi can tie music into his writings.

Two favorite things- music and book exchanges.

We share a heart.

I feel infinite- driving to Duluth, the mixtape vol. 2- we dance

2008-10-13T05:34:00.003-05:00

Last night I finished mixtape vol. 2. I have to say, it's pretty stellar. I'm very happy with the outcome and all the hours I spent on it. Plus, it includes the Polyphonic Spree. They are one of my favorites.

Feeling Infinite in Duluth Vol. 2- We Dance

The Freest Man- Tilly and The Wall
Sun, Sun, Sun- The Elected
Skeleton Key- Margot and Nuclear So and So's
Right as Rain Pt. 2- The Lawrence Arms
Bad Education- Tilly and the Wall
Section 24 (The Fragile Army)- The Polyphonic Spree!
Ready for the Floor- Hot Chip
Crazy- Gnarls Barkley
Maximum Detail- Beehive and the Barracudas
Get Seduced- The Faint
Miniature Breakdown- Quintron
I Like to Move in the Night- Eagles of Death Metal
Good Girl, Bad Boy- Junior Senior
You Can Make Him Like You- The Hold Steady
Lipstick- RFTC
Mr. Brightside- The Killers
Mabel- Goldfinger
Perfect Gentlemen- Wyclef Jean

I feel infinite- driving to Duluth, the mixtape

2008-10-12T11:31:00.002-05:00

Thursday, I'm going hiking on the Northshore.
My job, to make to mixtapes. Disc one is complete, disc two is in progress, an order has yet to figured out. One needs to make sure there are smooth transitions between songs. Here is disc one.

A Lack of Color- Death Cab for Cutie
Naked As We Came- Iron and Wine
Is There a Ghost (Band of Horses Cover) Denison Witmer
Song Beneath a Song- Maria Taylor
Give a Little Love- Noah and the Whale
First Day of My Life- Bright Eyes
Tears for Affairs- Camera Obscura
Skinny Love- Bon Iver
Be the Air We Breathe- Lewis and Clarke
Asleep- The Smiths
Plasticites- Andrew Bird
Be Good or Be Gone- Fionn Regan
5 Years Time- Noah and the Whale
Where Does the Good Go?- Tegan and Sara
One More Night (You Ex-Love Remains Dead)- Stars
On the Radio- Regina Spektor
The Wayward Wind- The One Am Radio
Air Pollution- Page France

Book Altering

2008-10-11T21:57:00.003-05:00

I have decided to alter a book. It will be an interesting art project as I attempt, whole hearted, to make it worth something. The idea began as I tried to think of an original gift for a friend. With a limited budget, I thought it would be pretty sweet to make a type of photo album filled with everything that makes us kindred spirits. I can tell you, that the outcome in my head looks stellar and complete, and am sure the receiver will very much enjoy the gift. The challenge is to get the photo out of my head and transfer it onto the book. It will get there.

"To roam the roads of lands remote, to travel is to live."
Hans Christian Andersen

Current listening:
Artist: Noah and the Whale
Song: Give a Little Love
Album: Peaceful, the World Lays Me Down

Mornings

2008-10-07T06:28:00.002-05:00

I have to admit, my favorite part of the day is morning. Early mornings, between 4:00am and 4:30am. Nothing is awake, and everything is still gently breathing, resting, preparing the mind for a new day. It is my solace. I can sit, silently, and listen to nothing and not worry about being interrupted by phone calls, emails, and all other things that make life busy and sometimes unbearable. I think I enjoy mornings so much because I am alone. I read over the summer that those who are content with loneliness have found ways to cope. I have chosen to cope with loneliness, by being alone and being content with it. Because it is in the mornings where my mind flows wildly with uncontrolled thoughts, not yet censored by humanity's movement.

Compassion

2008-10-02T06:04:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, was the first day of Lead Peace. The curriculum for 8th graders teaches students how to be socially active to create positive change within their community and world, creating peaceful and respectful leaders. My job as "Peace Facilitator" is to teach these awkward and overly active 8th graders how to care about each other, to genuinely care. I began with the Dalai Lama's explanation on compassion and a general overview of what Buddhism is. It went pretty alright until I called out a girl for being disrespectful. I called her up to the front of the class, waited about 5 five minutes. She would not have it. She stormed out yelling, "The teacher gettin' smart with me!" I just wanted to ask her how she had recently been kind and compassionate. This will be a challenge, going against everything the kids have previoulsy learned about boundaries and separation, I will have to break the barriers.

Compassion

Usually, our concept of compassion or love refers to the feeling of closeness we have with our friends and loved ones.
Sometimes compassion also carries a sense of pity.
This is wrong.
Any love or compassion which entails looking down on the other is not genuine compassion.
To be genuine, compassion must be based on respect for the other,
and on the realization that others have the right to be happy and overcome suffering,
just as much as you.
On this basis, since you can see that others are suffering,
you can develop a genuine sense of concern for them

H.H The XIVth Dalai Lama

The things that save you

2008-09-30T06:05:00.007-05:00

It's been a year since I first made my endeavors as "AmeriCorps Member." At this time last year, I was giddy to see Lewis & Clarke. Dear friends whom I hadn't seen in five years. Making vegan friendly goods and packing a bag of literature, I was off to the unknowns of Minneapolis. I was interviewed for AmeriCorps and hired the next day, literally. It was all in place. It has saved me. Full of bravery and passion, I have somehow made a path I never thought I would be able to create. And it continues, as I begin to participate in this life.

Love without Boundaries

2008-09-26T07:16:00.004-05:00

Finally, the week has slowed down. Weddings overwhelm me, as do weekends full of people. But it is good. I sit here with a lit candle, as it is the beginning of the day. A habit I have gotten into after living with various people. I have yet to read my wall hanging on "Compassion," by the Dalai Lama. A reminder to love without pity and without boundaries. Kindred always says: "Be Love." And she is right.

Currents:
Song: Maria Taylor- Leap Year
Novel: Something to Tell You by Hanif Kureishi

VOLAG

2008-09-11T16:48:00.002-05:00

Today, I went to the VOLAG meeting, which is a monthly meeting that reports the numbers of refugees in the greater twin cities area. It was interesting learning the breakdown of where people come from. Five relocation agencies attended. In total, they have helped 105 refugees relocate to the twin cities in the past month and half. I'm curious as to how many people know that and know there is a breakdown of who comes to the states and know that by the end of the fiscal year (this month), 80,000 refugees will have entered the United States for various reasons. In the past month, refugees have come from Iraq, Somali, Bhutan, Burma, Ghana, and the Ukraine.
With their arrival, there are a lot of things to think about such as:
As a community member, what can I do, or need to know about the resettlement of refugees?
How many are family reunions and how many are referred refugees?
What countries are they coming from?
What types of challenges do they face and how can I assist?

The first week of school and other things

2008-09-07T10:19:00.003-05:00

This week was the first week for AmeriCorps. As usual, the kids are extra lively, testing boundaries and seeing if you will actually keep coming back as you say. It will be a good year. Again I'm teaching poetry after school and will continue to be a voluntary poetry teacher that Courage Center. I will also be a facilitator, which I think will be my favorite part. I will be teaching kids about peace and how to create social change within the community followed by a service project at the end of the year. There are many opportunities and I have to remember not to over commit myself. A usual occurrence.

I'm still writing an application letter. The other day, I had decided it was not good enough, so I rewrote it. For anyone, writing always seems to be a long drawn that process that is ever evolving. But soon, it will all be done, and I will be able to send everything off. I'm waiting for it to all leave my hands, but then I will probably go through severe anxiety, waiting impatiently for a response. I can compare it to marriage or an online dating site. I sit at the computer writing down my hopes for the program, what I want, how I will change and what I will do afterward. Much like online dating or marriage, I'm sending you my application, luring you in with the only I know. Desperately hoping words will seduce and you will succumb to my requests.

Reuniting

2008-08-24T00:00:00.005-05:00

I love Omaha, a lot actually. It's been good to me. As the time nears towards an ending vacation, it makes me a little sad to leave, but excited. I have lived in Omaha a majority of my life, moving only for college and then AmeriCorps. Both adventures, I'm very proud of. As of now, it's nice to have a "job" and a home to return to, however temporary it maybe. But as I look at the people left in Omaha, they are going through their own changes. Kwami is leaving the 49'r, the Dundee scene is being scattered, people are moving into different homes and are no longer walking distance away. All in all, we are all growing up a little, though it sounds horribly cliche. It seems that a good portion of my friends are getting married or finding themselves in committed relationships with partners that are complimentary to their personalities and individualism, both admirable and important qualities. And I'm discovering my own endeavors, a second year of AmeriCorps and applying for documentary studies with a specialty in creative non-fiction. The second has long been marinating my head, six years now actually, and it now seems like I can accomplish it.

I was able to see dear friends that I have been overseas for the past year. Their experiences, have not been so good, but again, there is growth. It makes me worry about those who have stayed stagnant. There are many adventurous detours that are being forgotten and left because of fear and denial of one's potential. But we make our decisions.

Something to Tell You

2008-08-02T13:31:00.002-05:00

Today, I did my first book pre-order. Hanif Kureishi is releasing a new book on August 19th. Boy am I excited. One of my favorite authors, I had to get it. The review claims it as his best novel up-to-date. I hope it's as good as they say it is. I doubt Hanif would disappoint me.

Today, I'm seeing the new Bollywood movie, which includes rapping by Snoop Dog. This will be interesting.

Relay for Life

2008-07-19T22:02:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I participated in Relay for Life. Taking donations and walking one lap short of eleven miles, almost 30,000 dollars was made. But during the time of walking, where virtually no one was on the track I looked at the flickering luminaries and thought of our soldiers. Wondering, if there was an event similar, lighting and luminary for each of the 4,125 soldiers that have been killed in the Iraq war, not including all those that have not lost their lives. And what if we added all the millions of civilians that have been killed. Would we then begin to understand the causalities of war and need for conflict resolutions that include peace talks and not war?

Everyone has an epic to tell. We must now listen, for they will teach us house to live.

How Poetry is seen in the world and my neighborhood

2008-07-11T22:34:00.003-05:00

Today in poetry, we revisited Neimoller's poem and the NoFx song lyrics. I made a chart of current events from both Minneapolis and around the kids could relate to. I did a couple on violence both at home and abroad and also ways people are creating positive change. We then brainstormed on 4 posters and answered:
Describing my community
What I dislike in my community
What changes I want see in my community
What I can do to change my community

It turned out pretty well. I did notice the kids are willing to complain and claim that the problems on the Northside are irreparable. It's disconcerting to think that even 15 kids don't care enough about their community to create positive change. So what about the rest of the kids that reside there? I want the youth to be able to understand the world around them and learn about good changes through discussing, reading and writing poetry. In the long run, it will help them more than they think. But I can't complain, after three days, I have a pretty rapport with them.

Poetry + NoFx = Debate

2008-07-11T22:14:00.002-05:00

Today was my first day teaching poetry at summer school. And did it go well. The over all topic for the next 3 weeks is creating social change using poetry. I thought it would be awesome to use Rev. Martin Neimoller's poem, "First they Came" and compare it with NoFx's song "Re-gaining Unconsciousness." It went surprisingly well. The kids where able to have a full out discussion on what has and has not changed in society. Most of the ideas consisted of racism, because that is something they struggle with being in a prominently black community in north Minneapolis. We discussed the Civil Rights Movement, the Holocaust and woman's suffrage. I was really proud of the middle school kids. They addressed some pretty heavy topics and were able to speak from experience and what they have heard and seen. It is important thing. I just hope it goes this well the rest of July.

What is your theme song?

2008-06-24T09:02:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I was listening to Club Awesome! thanks to iTunes and NPR. Well, Club Awesome! and All Songs Considered are my two favorite podcasts. Listening Club Awesome!'s episode 4 about love song dedications, a question was brought up, What is your theme song? I thought about it. There are many songs that have impacted me greatly and I can start with the first song that I will always remember, from there, I can list in order the song and the impact it has had. But for the last year, I would have to say it has been Maria Taylor's "Clean Getaway" from Lynn Teeter Flower. I remember playing the song every week with Andrew Birds "Heretics" on KAUR. It way May 2007, during finals week and a funeral. Both celebrations, accomplishments and of life. But both songs still resonate in every aspect of life. I cannot tell you why, but somehow, waking up to the voice of Andrew Bird makes everything ok. And hearing the phone ring Maria Taylor when kindred calls, I know conversations will be good and worth while. These seemingly small impacts are actually quite large, helping to define the individual and the heart.

The Street Disciple

2008-06-19T14:39:00.003-05:00

This is Arthur, a homeless man in downtown Minneapolis. I spoke with him yesterday for about an hour. In that hour, he shared parts of his life story and his love for Jesus. His tambourine and voice resonates throughout the city, weaving between the towering skyscrapers during the late afternoon and early evening. Even though he doesn't like to be homeless, he knows it is apart of God's plan and at this point in time, this is where he needs to be. He had a good reminde for everyone, that in order to love, we must love ourselves.

Herons and Nature Walks

2008-05-11T21:26:00.003-05:00

Today, I took nature walk. It was quite lovely. I found that about 3 blocks away there is a lake and walking/biking paths. So I walked. Standing on the sand beach, as majestic as one can look stood a heron. I'm still uncertain of what kind, but after some research on the native birds of Minnesota, I'm assuming it was a great blue heron. I was excited to see him, but I was really in search of a loon. Yes, the loon is the state bird, but I keep hearing stories of its haunting cry. And I'm very curious. This makes me want to purchase a birding book. I think it would be interesting.

Old Man Bear

2008-05-02T06:00:00.002-05:00

This is Old Man Bear. Melancholy, he followed me everywhere in the house over the summer. Sleeping noisily in my room, snoring and barking at 5am to go outside. And he had this uncontrollable licking fetish. It came to the point where I could not wear skirts because he would find his way up my leg, licking and getting a little too fresh for a dog. But he was cute and I always told him I would come back. And well, I did.
I'm a little bit, well, a lot sad to find that he had to put to sleep. Though he was not ready and barked and jumped up after the first iv he found his way to doggie heaven. Oh did he have an old soul.

Birthing

2008-04-04T18:26:00.003-05:00

I was gardening today. Well, I cleaning out the flowerbeds. As I cleared away the soggy leaves, broken branches and dead flowers, small bits of green and purple began to show through. I was very exited. I didn't have the heart to pull up the weeds, not yet. They are just discovering the fresh Minnesotan air. Ok, not that fresh, somewhat polluted, but still.

I'm glad spring is finally upon us and Mother Earth is now birthing her beauty.

It is good.

And I need to research composting. It may be good idea with the amount of leaves we have.

Bush's War

2008-03-25T21:29:00.003-05:00

I'm watching Frontline and I am again reminded about war and hate and so forth.
But, it is forgotten that we are all interrelated and a part of each other.
So I will leave you with the wise words of Buddha and Rumi:

Let your love flow outward through the universe,
To its height, its depth, its broad extent,
A limitless love, without hatred or enmity.
Then as you stand or walk,
Sit or lie down,
As long as you are awake,
Strive for this with a one-pointed mind;
Your life will bring heaven to earth.
-Buddha

Love is the cure,
for your pain will keep giving birth to more pain
until your eyes constantly exhale love
as effortlessly as your body yields its scent.
-Rumi

No

2008-03-24T19:47:00.002-05:00

Today, I said "No." Granted, it was nicer, more pleasant, telling how your current offer does not fall into my future or current plans. The first time I have ever turned down a job offer, to man that seemed excited, idealistic over the phone, wondering when my time at Americorps would be finished, sounding hopeful and willing to wait. A stranger willing to wait for my inexperience and "work ethic," whatever that maybe. He found my resume and interview on file and sounded very pleased with my library experiene and passion for the written word. He wanted me to be assistant librarian for youth programming, incharge of puppet shows, children's reading and so forth at the downtown library of dear Sioux Falls. I'm still bound there, but by different means now. I've moved. I enjoy where I'm at. I cannot see the faces the children I have helped out look more melacholy than they already are and tell them I will no longer be tutoring. I've started helping out with the after school poetry program, and if plans don't change, I will be in charge of it. It's odd what we will sacrifice for a small stipened and the happiness of youngsters. I'm attached to them, the school and what it was brought, and really, something I have not thought about before. But, it is good.

Hauge Or BUST!

2008-03-21T18:12:00.004-05:00

The sign reads, "Hauge or BUST!" The creator rides his bike up and down the Lake Street bridge with his dogsledding husky in tow, along with an effigy of George W. Bush in a jail cell with a bleeding bullet wound to the head. He stops by other protesters holding signs to the end the war in Iraq. Statistics written on signs letting us remember that as of March 19, 2008, five years after the war started, there have been 3,991 American deaths. Iraqi civilian deaths are much greater. As of March 21, 2008, there is an estimated 82,229-89,760.

I stood there, on a pretty warm Minnesota faux spring day, holding one sign in silence stating, "Not One More Death In Iraq." I was bound to the sign, remembering life and death. It will be a year on May 6th where I checked my mail and found out about the death of Mattie. I remember sitting in the dorm room with the white noise of Maria Taylor and heaving in tears. The whole night I was motionless, laying in bed, lethargic and heartbroken. Waking up to the alarm the next morning, my eyes where swollen, but I made myself get ready for the day anyhow. I went the library, unable to work, I explained the situation and went back and cried, and slept and called his widow and another dear friend. I tried to go on for the day, but it was difficult, an expected reaction. I soon found myself trying to keep my mind off of his death and memories and weeping in the embrace of Werner. It was the first time I ever admitted I was not ok. The next week, I had finals, attended his funeral where the Patriot Gaurd sheltered us with flags. And I cried to my mom while walking up the sidewalk how Kara had said that he would go knife shopping with me and teach me how to use it, just incase I was ever attacked. The same day, I made my way back to Sioux Falls to graduate. I don't think I will ever forget the sequence of events and what it caused. And his wife's words will always echo in my heart: "Jessie, he always talked about you and your mom's cookies. He always wanted to know how you where. Before he died, he had asked for your address."

And I will never forget his warm hugs every morning of school and his cold hands on my neck. Taunting me and laughing as he stealthly followed me.

But more than anything else, I fear that we will forget to listen to the stories of the soldiers, the survivors, the dead, their families, the Iraqis and all those that were affected. From that, we will lose a part of history, that like the rest, should not be forgotten. I will be the elephant that remembers.

"Far be it more honorable, to perish on one's feet, than to elude death in your enemies court." Matt Alexander"

MFA, MAT vs. Salt

2008-03-17T15:34:00.002-05:00

It will be a week on Wednesday since I've made my way to Hamline Univeristy for an informational session at the Graduate School Education for a Masters of Arts in Teaching initial licensure in Communication Arts (English). After being sick for four days, I have finally begun to ponder my nearing future. It was last week that I reapplied for the Minnesota Reading Corps. A lot has happened since then. I have applied to be a volunteer Creative Writing teacher at a non-profit that works with the mentally and physically disabled. Really, all I want to do right now is teach creative writing and go to school. But there is another looming reality...MONEY! There is always something that yells, "can you afford it?" Being involved with MRC for hopefully the full two years, I will be able to put almost $10,000 towards my education or past loans. Which, would cover the tution for Salt School of Documentary Studies, a dream of mine since the tender age of 19, my freshman year of college. I can actually recall the day that I first saw the poster of a transvestite with the Salt logo and tag line: Telling the Stories of Maine. I was waiting to see my advisor. Now, I'm forced to weigh all my options. Or, just apply to all programs and possibly not get accepted into any. If that were the case, then I would move to some other place and begin a new adventure.

I cannot sleep

2008-03-16T14:40:00.002-05:00

Granted, it is 3pm and like most people, I should be having a productive Sunday afternoon of playing games in the freshly thawing park across the street or sunbathing in the winterish Minnesota spring. Instead, my body aches and yells "SLEEP!" as loud as it possibly can. Oh, I do want to ignore it, but I cannot. Sometime last week, I caught the flu and came home Thursday sick, Friday and Saturday and I slept all day and finally, it's Sunday, and I still want to sleep. Though, I did make it to Fat Nat's Eggs to eat a veggie omlette with my roommates and one of their friends. Now, the house smells like curry, yellow curry, as Aaron cooks. I desperately want to get up and smell the freshness, made the Trinidadian way. But I just can't move. Andrew Bird keeps me entertained as I write and ponder what book to start next or to finish. And my arms are too tired to knit. I don't like feeling this unproductive and lethargic.

Running

2008-03-09T20:29:00.002-05:00

I have a sudden urge to run. Mind you, I'm not a runner. I walk, constantly. Today, I walked six miles. I just need to move. Maybe it's because I'm getting anxious about spring or something. Or it could be because I've been listening to Sea Wolf and the song "Middle Distance Runner." Lord only knows why.

And I dislike the spring forward because I lose an hour of sleep.

More importantly, on my quest towards "adulthood" I have an informational meeting at Hamline on Wednesday about the Masters of Education. Thus, over the weekend I worked on applications.

Good days

2008-03-06T20:14:00.002-06:00

Today, was literally a fantastic day, top 4 things that happened, in order:

1.) Made plans to go to Chicago to see my kindred spirit Lyndsay.

2.) I was invited to the string's concert by one of the kids at school, he wants to go watch.

3.) Got a postcard from Freya Manfred for her new book

4.) Got a phone call from my dear friend Kara, whom I haven't talked to in awhile.

Things are beginning to fall into place again. I have decided to again look at graduate school for Masters of Arts. I go to my first informational meeting at Hamline next week, and that will be good. I'm going to discover, ask questions, the usual. But it will be good for me.

We shall rest

2008-02-23T22:46:00.002-06:00

I just finished reading "Uncle Vanya." I read it all out loud. I had to, to give it just and the voice it needed. Really, I don't think I could have read it any other way, the sadness and beauty, combined to create the humanness of the characters. They were all unhappy and I empathize with them.

In the darkness of the newly smoke free bar, I was filled with a sad romance.

The accordianist sat on the chair, front of stage, accompanied by a cello and banjo.

It was the sound of the old world.

Fantastic!

2008-02-19T21:10:00.003-06:00

"First, thanks for being an AmeriCorps Member. That is just so fantastic."
Bob Wedl
Director of Education
Minnesota Reading Corps

I emailed my MRC coach today as I think again about grad school. She said to email Bob, the Director of Education with MRC. Seriously, the nicest guy. I keep coming back to think about how privileged I am. I love where I serve, the kids are awesome, like most kids, I still have problems with a few, but hey, no big deal. But Bob hooked me up with a local writer and past instructor at the Loft Literary Center. Really, I couldn't have asked for more. It's refreshing to be apart of something that is so extraordinary.

And I got the sweetest email from a woman at school. I am helping out with the poetry class after school and we have been brainstorming ideas to get more kids involved. She suggested double-dutch as a way to get the kids to work on performance poetry. It's good being able to work with a poetry positive collective. I just love it. That's all I can really say.

I keep thinking that moving was the best choice I ever could have made.

And Aaron brings me home fortune cookies when eats Chinese. He doesn't like them. Today's fortune: "Cleaning up the past will always clear up the future."

Valentine's Day Cards

2008-02-15T07:11:00.002-06:00

Yesterday, of course, was Valentine's Day. The children all had their parties and enjoyed the unneeded candy that made them more antsy than usual. There is a 4th grader that comes to visit me every morning and afternoon. He doesn't say much, but just dinks around and always asks questions about what I'm doing. He stays about 10 minutes and scurries off. He quickly comes back if he has forgotten to give me a hug.
I made him a Valentine's Day card, with a piece of chocolate, because it's his favorite. I go to speak with the teachers that I work with to figure out a schedule of activities for the day. I come back and there is a card on my desk from the kid that visits me. It's a pop up card, where he cut out about 20 hearts and neatly decorated it. In cursive handwriting, it says, "Happy Valentine's Day." He signed his name in a heart. I think is the most precious gift. It now hangs on the fridge.

Personification=Crazy!

2008-02-11T19:29:00.000-06:00

Today I spent my first day with the after school program. We discussed personification and did a fun activity. We made a list of emotions followed by standing on a piece of constructions paper. Underneath the construction paper, there was an emotion, where we did a worksheet poem to work the kids through it.
My emotion was crazy.
I will have to get my poem back. Miss Spring wanted to keep it. I enjoyed it though. The kids where jittery, unable to sit still. But it is a Monday and that is probably why.

And I'm an icecube again.
I wish NPR Club Awesome would do more shows. I do love it.

Sing!

2008-02-10T21:20:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow, I have my first staff choir concert. We're performing for the parent for parent involvement day.
Song Line up:
Lift Your Voice
Zipee Do Da
This Little Light of Mine
Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Swing Low Sweet Chariot
and a few more I don't remember.

Aaron's sick, and I hope I do not get his 102.3 tempature.
I'm again an icecube in the -35 windchill.
I did make my first trip to the Electric Fetus record store. As usual, I found music, much music, but not the album I wanted.

And then there's Chekhov

2008-02-05T20:19:00.000-06:00

I understand why one of my professors loved Chekhov. He has a beauty and strength. I am in love with his Uncle Vanya. I have been reading it on the the bus, but I found, it must be read out loud, to have voice and gently float of the pages giving birth to a depressed man who hates his lonely life. I love Uncle Vanya. I can't tell you why, but there is a connection with him. It is once in a great while that I fall deeply in love characters and want them as my own company, friends, lovers, or whatever they maybe.

Throughout my life, there have been three. In order, they are, the main male character in Joyce Carol Oates short story, "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" He is a mystery, and I wanted him, nameless, he is what every secret lover should be. Second, there is Shylock. I mourned for him, being Jewish in times where it was not accepted. He was beautiful, reminding the reader that he is human, as is everyone else. He loved Jessica, and wanted her happy, but he also wanted his own traditions. He was single father, he didn't know how to raise his daughter. And then, there is Uncle Vanya, from Chekhov. And he is lonely, cynical to an extent, wondering why a young woman would ever marry an old man. And he loves her, but knew, he could never have her. I used to hate Russian literature as one story left a bad taste. But Vanya, oh Vanya, he is lovely and lonely, but still he teachers the reader to live.

"Straining the mind, wrinkling the brow,

We write, write, write,

Without respite

Or hope of praise in the future or now."

-Uncle Vanya, Act 1.

leav-ee vs. leaver

2008-02-03T16:07:00.000-06:00

I'm a fan of NPR and all of it's glory. I was listening to Club Awesome today, episode number 5 to be exact. And it's about 2 producer who work for NPR and how they are the leav-ees. Their signficant other leaves the partner/spouse to pursue their own careers. The two discuss what it is like to be the one who is always left, but there is a pride and sadness in their voices, that their lover is doing exactly what they want to do, but they are being left behind in the midst.

And I wonder what part am I taking and what part will I take? Will I be the leav-ee or the leaver. I'm known for doing things and not telling people and just getting up to leave and do what I want to, because right now I can. But there are friendships that are being left behind, but I think that is very much a part of growing. It is partly because I can't currently be content with things, because I don't want to be comfortable and stop growing at this point in time.

I think about what I where to go and what I want to do. And I can see myself leaving again.

Politics and Poetry

2008-01-31T21:03:00.000-06:00

I don't much like to discuss politics, nor really talk about political things. I like to stay clear of arguements. Well, I'm going to experience my first political candidate rally on Saturday. I'm going to see Barak Obama. I'm actually really excited. It will be interesting and a good learning experience.

I'm going to start helping out with the after school program with the poetry class. It will be good, an interesting learning experience working with in the demographics where I'm at.

I love you

2008-01-28T19:09:00.000-06:00

"I loooove you Miss Jessie.
I loooooooove you like a mom"

That, I think is the cutest thing a little third grader could ever tell me.

I have constantly been listening to documentaries for the past week. It keeps me warm.

Revelation

2008-01-22T20:25:00.000-06:00

Irony hits me in the face yet again. That is all I can muster out. I thought it would be interesting to look at past unsent application letters to grad schools. The common quote on each one, "I will use both my creative writing and publishing skills in the non profit world where I will be able to cultivate literature among youth and teach individuals the importance of non-violent expression.... I want to work with an art non-profit that will specialize in at risk youth."

And I began to cry. Because I am where I need to be.

They are morticians

2008-01-22T18:27:00.000-06:00

I got the new SALT Institue for Documentary Studies in the mail today. They revamped and looks very attractive. I've wanted to go there for the past 4 years. They had inserted a cd of "Radio" section of the program, which was very interesting. One of the tracks was about a mortician. It was interesting listening to it because I suddenly heard Andrew Bird as a transition, the song "Plasticities." It was right before the part where we sings, "we're going to old, so cold..." I guess it fits, but I wasn't thinking of Andrew Bird in association with mortician stories.

cohabitating with a mouse

2008-01-05T14:31:00.000-06:00

We have a mouse, and it is evident as we find his little mouse droppings in the butter container.

Last night, we cleaned the kitchen, no signs of nibbling or a mouse. But the funny thing is, he stays away from the butter dish when there is butter in it, but when there is not butter in the dish, that is when the mouse goes for it's kill...and finds nothing. It's rather odd.

I like to innocently think that I'm living with the "Mouse and the Motorcycle" and he rides around the house making sweet mischief. He has yet to bother any of us and well, we have decided not to trap him.

It's the New Year

2008-01-04T13:38:00.000-06:00

It's the new year and time for resolutions...I didn't make any, becuase they are bound to be broken in the near future, well, more likely the first week of improvement. Instead, I used my giftcards to order books, in hopes of reading more. I don't have to make time, because I have it. I must stop wasting time.

Current books to read:

Javatrekker: Dispatches from the World of Fair Trade Coffee by Dean Cycon.

My brother finally figured out I like to be socially aware. It is an excellent gift.

The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russel

In Fact: The Best of Creative Non-Fiction by Lee Gutkind and Annie Dillard

Finish Reading:

Wind-Up Bird Chronicles by Haruki Murakami

The Middle of Everywhere by Mary Pipher

And I'm writing again. It's not I have not been writing, but it has yet to become a daily habit. Eventhough my computer keys are sticking from so much love, and the space key has not been working properly, I must keep on, keep on. I will eventually have a beautiful piece of creative non-fiction. It must be shaped and molded in all possibilities before it can be finished. Plus, I need to do research.

Do you walk?

2007-12-18T21:13:00.000-06:00

I deeply love walking. It is soothing to my soul. Every morning and evening, I walk to and from the bus stop at 34th. At first, I was not accostumed to earliness of the 6:30am fog, wind, frost, snow and other weather patterns. By now, I most enjoy it. I like the time alone, to think and make up stories, though most the time, I'm missing the needed paper and pen to write it down. There is something surreal about walking alone in the morning with the sliver of the moon looking down at you as the planets follow it's tail. My breath freezes in the air and quickly falls to the asphalt, joining the rest of the ice.

We should walk together, in the morning and watch the commuters rush to their destinations, creating stories of life.

Parties, Concerts and Streets

2007-12-16T18:09:00.000-06:00

I like weekends. It's good be lazy every once in a while.

Had a birthday party at Pizza Luce' in uptown. It was pretty good. Friends and roommates came. It is nice to be surrounded by goodness and love. Not all of us have heavy hearts. It was nice to be carefree and not think about saving people from circumstance.

The Guthrie is beautiful, and Andrew Bird is amazing. I very much enjoyed my time with you and your gentleness and kindness.

And they named a street after you, after I had been thinking of you constantly on Thursday as my eyes filled with tears. I had to leave to hide in the bathroom during the day to cry for you, thinking about how deeply loved you are. Last night, I took out the flowers I pressed in "Here, Bullet." The one book that will always remind me of you and my sorrow.

Evidently, the street they named after you is positioned by the park. I don't remember you at the park, but instead, the school hallways and your warm hugs before the morning bell. It was the one thing that had always kept me going. Weeks, even months after your death, I could accept no hugs. Because I thought of you. Even now, it can still be difficult.

This little light of mine

2007-12-14T17:41:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I played "This Little Light of Mine" for the first-graders at share-in at school. The theme: Voice of One. The concept is to show how the theme has been interwined in what the students have been learning. The line-up:

Black Eyed Peas, Where is the Love

Chinese Dance

The Body System

This Little Light of Mine

Hmong Dance

6th Grade English class with the Minneapolis Children's Theatre

Even though Minneapolis is the last state in the achivement gap, it is forgotten how talented these kids and the stories they hold. It's phenomenal. And I was very proud of them.

And I think of Maya Angelou when she came to speak at Augustana last year. She talked about how we all have lights in our lives and how they have made a difference, whether you know it or not.

Coffee Parties and Activism

2007-12-11T20:30:00.000-06:00

It is cold, again, but somehow today, I felt spring. Maybe it was because I was standing under the heat lamp at 7th St. in downtown, waiting for the usual bus, with a new bus driver. She is more friendly than the previous.

Saturday, I was asked about the importance of volunteerism, and what makes a volunteer. It will always be an open ended question. We talked about civil engagements at training and how to become more involved. So I went to "Community Organizations" were Carlos spoke. He was my favorite, a mix between my tattoo artist and this kid I used to go to church with. He spoke with fervor, as he began to curse about apathy and how we need to create enviroments where people can break through it. People are apathetic because have not experienced winnable actions of change.

The other person I saw present was a woman named Gerry Sell who is apart of the League of Woman Voters. She spoke about grassroots activism and how if you ask alot of people to help with a project, you have a community, and if you ask a select few, you create an elite class. She suggested coffee parties and getting people together with like interests to create change and get people involved. And if you can make a connection with someone, and you know more people, the more you can get done.

"When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion."

Ethiopian Proverb

Poverty

2007-12-01T01:22:00.000-06:00

The school thing is much more difficult than initially thought. But I still very much enjoy it. I'm finding that I live in a high poverty area and the kids are not taken care of as they should be. Winter is coming quickly as it becomes more blustery, and the young ones come with jackets and not the needed winter coats. As most kids, those who have the proper winter attire, choose not zip their coats and wear mittens.

And in most instances, I just want to bring the babies home and make sure they are full and warm. So, I have started reading, learning about what I do not know, like the hidden rules between classes, generational poverty and about half the people in Minnesota who are in homeless shelters have children, and that food is equated with love.

These are things I do not understand, nor do I want to experience, but I know at some point, I will witness it more than I have now.

Now, I just hear the stories.